Untrusting 

Can’t trust, don’t know how. Broken by loveless lust and things I allow. Blame myself, that’s the way I handle things. I just wanna throw this thing out the window, experience hell when it rings. Don’t wanna be this girl, this trapped person in a shit world. Everywhere I look I see white, it’s everywhere I turn. Constant longing to do better but somehow never learn. Smarter than most, pretty in many different ways, work harder than I should, my smile is what pays. Lost in what I believed was love, lost in a sea of uncertainty. If only I could fall down a well for a while, shit, for eternity. Time to force out these horrible thoughts, block the urge to plan & plot. Cleanse my subconscious of all lies & schemes than redecorate with high hope & big dreams. But what good would that really be? When I say “really be” I really mean I don’t believe. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks & nothing’s ever sweet enough for a. Bitter bitch.. Inner peace sounds beautiful & yes happiness looks great on paper. but looks are often deceitful, & my only inner is anger.. ™
-ab

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